Today I woke up and started my period. These are the worst days.
I do not think you should have a period if you are not having sex.
I do not care if you agree with me or not, this is how I feel.
I am on my third straight month of not working out. Here is the thing that has happened- none of my clothes fit, but this is because where I used to be muscular I am now just not. It looks and feels awful, but at the same time I am really enjoying all of my sitting time. I have really neglected it for so many years, it only seems fair to pay some attention to it now. Like. Maybe I’ll never move again and will just waste away to NOTHING and buy all new clothes and become a 31 year old super short super model.
These are the things dreams are made of.
As we come to the end of 2016 all I can think is- what an intense year! I have no clue what I spent the year doing, but I did learn that I can do just about anything and that I, in fact, always seem to do exactly what I say I am going to do. So I am shooting for big things this year, just to keep testing that theory out. I am going full-on Tony Robbins in 2017.
Here is the hitch: turns out I am afraid of big things and all the things that I really want. So, instead I come up with BIG things that I think are fun and potentially cool but I do not really, really want them. Perhaps this year I will do a mix of both of these things.
Here is the main question I come to then- how does one live through the anxiety of asking someone to love them? Like a life partner kind of a thing? Cause I think that should be a good thing where one does not find deathly anxiety, but it seems that even thinking about it makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. Yet, I think that it would be a nice thing to have.
Also. I want a lot of things for just me just because I want them- like financial security and lots of adventure. And by adventure I mean the Yvon Chounard kind- the kind where everything goes wrong and you have to figure your way through a mess and you come out completely changed from when you began. Now that I read over that I’m wondering if I really want that at all….
I’ll write again tomorrow after consuming lots of chocolate and watching the Gilmore Girls. Surely it will be much funnier and witty as hell, but for today this is what you get.